A Page of my diary : 6 years back

This morning I found a diary which i have completed writing in year 2003 ..going through the written mind of mine ..I found you smelling the pages..

here is the page I have written on the same day 11-01-2003 , 6 years back..

Memories remind me your absence , If you were my past then why cant i stay with the present?

you were like that rainbowed sky once I saw , only once .. dying the sky in colours , oh how can i make it again?

I discern the erie fate that waits to lash , your absence , your absence make me lament, magnify the lurid pearls in my memory string..

I slept with my pillow , gripped it as one and only friend . How lonely I spent nights and whole seasons?

But you put hands on different shoulders , flirted here and there, perhaps kissed many lips, spent most splendid hours , yes I imagine it was so , I failed to fasten you with  what i had, but only entertained.

I never knew once you would leave , I never knew anything even the likes and dislikes of my mind and body

I was insensible and lorn , like the lotus dying outside the pond.

I failed forever to pace with time , you and world 

And only the fraction of my love grappled you often....

here the page ends... but a question troubles me now on 11-01-2009 , Iam asking" hey do you remember me ? if so then how often? do you feel the same for me?

Sometimes its tough to walk down the memory lane with ease , you may get hurt even after years!!

UrGe

" so How is your married life"? I asked Indira My colleague , who had joined back after a two weeks leave for her mariage and honeymoon..she replied" First night it was exciting with him since his body smell was new and a feast to my nostrils , but sleeping with and smelling the same guy for two weeks is not much of a explanatory thing..but outrageous and damn boring..weeks are too much for me to be with 'one'..a day and night would be okay for one...she giggled..
showing me her honeymoon pictures on lapie..it was a feast with a tint of spice( Hope I need not explain)
I was speechless but was not taken aback since she is the same way alwayz.. hunting to quell eyes hunger atleast in the office..so great going Indira even after your marriage..I thought..
Next come her Query" Honey what are you doing this evening", (a soft pinch on my thighs too)
"Nothing special sweet heart ! but i dont prefer Married females now" I replied.
Her dark face ,long legs , tiny breasts and new perfume didnt amuse me at all.
Urges urges are unsatisfied needs..

silence....

How I fell ill and how I neeD Them !!

Today ,well got a reason to tell I was ill that, i spent whole day with a book. But its true that I was seriously down for last three days..Fever; sore throat; body ache - complete rest and on antibiotics with voice rest..(sigh).Symptoms were evident that Iam gonna be ill from Thursday on and I requested leave too , but the important training been scheduled on Thursday would have had got cancelled with out a substitute and I couldn't wait it to happen . Was very exhausted and voice didn't come out of my throat after 3 hours long presentation..hard and whole mess , but ables to manage. In the evening was completely down and this whole bloody fatigue pissed me off..inanimate in the bed ..I had put off the lamps and my room hushed in a pale shade..eyes had water rolling down my cheeks due to body heat..and my cold tablets failed the battle too..so here was my friend sankee who lately could make out things went worsen with me..he took me to hospital the detailed examination followed by a warning 'complete voice rest one week' ( sounded horrible to me)!!! and injection on butts and he bought food and other stuff , reaching my flat I piled my tablets and capsules on the table and checked my purse but could only sigh..(yes let them run the hospital profitably) , sankee helped me to have my food and reminded on the medication ..thanx buddy your role is through..I lay down and scanned through my msgs and missed calls ..replied to the msgs and whole night I felt the need to be nursed or mothered , reason its simple when you feel you are lost ,broken, down , alone , agonized or unable to things then you would need those special hands to wrap up you and warm to the core of your body even piercing the bones, I believe this longing for someone special is a common gene in every human being..so here I lay sick , alone and water flew from my eyes and the corporate presentation planned for next day really swiped my sleep away..But morning also my mobile messenger had delivered all those msgs seeking my health status and get well soon capsules..those msgs made me happy , felt Iam loved and I was too content to receive calls and msgs from my childhood friend whom I have not seen for last 13 years (Thanks to Orkut I found her there only)..Yes this is how we feel the need to be attended and cared , to be felt important ..I believe this is a tiny happiness that makes our lives live again and again to see each moment hopefully. Yes I need them...

YouR KiSSeS

Iam reminded about those kisses today...its not so often but today so accidentally ..I had a gala night today...though Iam so drunk and become a habit now ..it was a hobby ...tonight the get together was in a sequestered and aesthetic resort having a close view of the cochin back waters..when the cool breeze blew on my face ..holding the the spilled glass I remembered you.

Nothing seems to be changed other than we being at the extremes of the sphere. Iam recklessly immersed in your thoughts and the different ways of admitting and confessing the love and then intimate touches and holding hands ,so deeply clutched ..Today you made me drink a lot..not you but each moment spent with you...I may say I forgot you and You are erased to be recreated again in my mind..but the truth remains so naked to me..If I have kissed your sweated neck..then I have loved you completely ..If I have kissed deep your lips then I tell you I have loved you completely ..If I have taken your hands and pressed against my heart then for sure I have loved you completely..and yes true If I have caressed your hair so passionately ..I loved you...You too had kissed me many times with out my consent..can I assume that you too loved me so intensively ...at least for an hour or a second..I know its vain ..but tonight let me sleep thinking of those lips to lips , tongue to tongue meeting endless kisses...reminding me that we were in love once....

yes truly I need you tonight ..or every night? your are not my need for a night but ...for a whole lot nights yet to come..

Magic Moments

Nothing but life remains so perplexed to be answered correctly..I get up and flow unknowingly to a unknown destination..rubbish ? no..that is life for me...yesterday night when i was drunk and on a verge to threw up my friend ragi has called me up so surprisingly.sooo sorrry was not bale to spaek to you well..my friend helped me out to hold my mob..yeas so you are here in chennai..i assure before you fly to US will have some real nice talk on life and stuff..and I understand you..and you are not lost ..to be desperate..but I understand your missing feeling..but yet... its LIFE!!!!!!! .today morning was so enlighted with my bro 's call from sidney...and My boss trying to get me online inbetween..yes boss i understand your concern....I will not run away..relax it is morning 7.30 only... .you know after his marriage( my bro) he has never thought about me..( c how ppl change) ( didnt call me up for many months...huh i was also sooo beeezy with loadz of activities( hope you understand folks)...:))..today i enjoyed my work as it involved a bit of gossiping and hot , spicy random discussions and colleagues were quite unsual in their behaviour(HMMM wondered)..

Evening I had gone for a movie' bachna e haseeno' was kinda okay!!! simple story of a guy ditching two girls and going back to them ( mood of repentance) and stuff..after all does a movie talk about real life? hmm hardly right?...yeah but frankly i was so fascinated by Raj's char( Ranbir in the movie)...to live a life like that..do you think its too much? huhhh..no but I doubt will I be able to dump someone?..never..Because I may not be virgin..but I truly believe in true love...I want to love and be loved..you can have sex with a chosen person..irrespective of night or day , race or region...because you just wanna quell your lust... .but will never touch the felicity of making love being in love...its amazing ..I tell you it not only arrests your body but complete soul and mind...and then only you will be united with your partner to the core...yeah I was talking about the movie...I liked it..what? dont ask me ..But Iam not shy either to say yes truly those naked and exposed bodies too....and the one passionate kissing seen too...really made me remind about those wonderful juicy and terrific kisses I had and still that smell of your sighs lasts in the air...But cant catch it...as past is gorgeaous to cherish...for pleasure be with the present...and I pace with present only..

Today when my friend was speeding on the roads of cochin..I didnt know what is fear...because it had left me long back...vehicle's noises, lights and drive didnt scare me either Now Iam packed in a premium pack..so cool to be approached and dare to say I have lost some values...as holding those values didnt help me most of the times...reality is I enjoy to the fullest..and I design my destiny now.....drinking? yes I enjoy it regularly in my flat..hmm smoking ? not tried..but true not a active smoker ...Passively yes I do( My friends keep lit up cigarette on their lips)..and I adore that manly black smoky lips tooo..what a change......( didnt say destiny is my slave..hmm sorry)...Sarika was gone for a self development program and kept herself so busy that didnt have time at all to call me...okay!!! dont have complaints..but Friend..missed you too..though I express it soo pooorly..and Amal ...you should start readimg my blog and buddy its only you who could be troubled on earth by me...dont have much people reading it..( big concern)..yeah should I import Shakeera or Rakhi sawant to pose on my blog to attract readers??? hmm Iam thinking...s0o Iam drunk tonight too..and feel to be united with a body too...hammm sinnnn? nnnoooooo thats a need..so lonely....let me think about that soo passionate , needy kiss or those myriad love making moments so shamelessly ...because it becomes sooo hard to stay a bachelor tooo...hhummmm..sooo folksssssss ciyaaaa guuuuuddddddddddddhhhh nittttetttttttttt
Lets hope life will have some more magic moments...:)

People

I tell you sankee is the best company to booze with..today one peg hmm two peg .hmmm cant recollect much...each moment goes meeting new life and every day is a discovery and life has started reflecting so much of endless longing desires ..pity life!! I tell you the this is the one way to be relaxed and breathe..sitting in the office and seeing those sulky and dreary faces really nullifies the glee a best morning could give..frankly sometimes or mostly but truth is i hate my office ...rarely? cant say...hmm need to think ..yes but I hate it ( always? need to still check and analyze)..my entry to office starts with that dry smile of security guard( cursing for not sleeping last night or reflects the disgust to the life?( cant read!)behind the glass door those faces enacting aggressiveness , haughtiness and multicolored feeling which hardly my mind could grab...sometimes for Anish ( a colleague) it is so tough to smile or his face is always deformed like he is stung by wasp? pity on you Anish...I really laugh at those guys who really stay and stay forever in such nonsensical ,rigid and disgusting thoughts of spoilt dignity and fake pride..being a man why cant you try to smile Anish..( atleast understand it is a good exercise for face..chukkles)It is not only Anish but a group who discriminate and underestimate people..but you guys are really a mode of entertainment for mefunny , stupid , yet very differently creative ( odd)...so continue doing good things as i do like to enjoy these little joys of life Im so sleepy to write more..... so let me shed clothes to sleep so free of strings tonight ...