Friend

Being wild, rough and lonely sometimes I managed to live

I then come across you

Nebula of calm you appeared to me

Obsessions were palliated there after for

You outstretched a hand of amity

Many blues turned pink and more colorful

You remained a back up through

Friend you were true and pure to me
resplendent colors and images you gifted me
In my hands that magic brings me back to life
ego and hate had no place to stay  in between us
nothing but affection rarely expressed spread
Dawns to Dusks and years to years you remain friend.

 

Valentine's Day : Sway this way!

By me for writing Often , not so but always relationships and lives around me were the commonly picked topics..So guess what? I cant write something other than that. When Iam trying to type , I feel my fingers are aching as this keyboard is not at all friendly to me any more..showing its protest or is it becoz of those suppressed feelings hesitate and resist to come out thru my fingers? dont know really. Today Its Valentine's Day..Though Indian youths started celebrating and taken advantage of this day in a very recent past. It's been years since Iam 18 , sad or lucky  to say no one had turned up with roses or with that sweet wink of eye to me to say the most beautiful words I consider in this world on Feb 14th. Whenever I was in relationships , that would have been started after this date or would end before this much awaited beautiful love date .It had passed and spent as a very ordinary day as usual. so ultimately I dint get a chance to love someone on this particular date. Thats my Valentine story. I have been writing letters and sometimes buying cards too for that someone special .  Truly speaking Differently and unusually I received a call on 5th of Feb , which brought a  tint of love along with it. I spent hours on my phone till 13th  as it mostly took me to some world , a world I Dreamt of and this year , today on  Valentine's  day instead of me falling into love , that 9 days old love died .

And ended in watching Award sweeper SlumDog Millionaire .Its Valentine's Day so you sway this way!!

Relationships Fascinates, scents , drives , scares and kills too..but again again we fall into it though we know about it. Love defeats magnets in power of attraction I bet you!

A Page of my diary : 6 years back

This morning I found a diary which i have completed writing in year 2003 ..going through the written mind of mine ..I found you smelling the pages..

here is the page I have written on the same day 11-01-2003 , 6 years back..

Memories remind me your absence , If you were my past then why cant i stay with the present?

you were like that rainbowed sky once I saw , only once .. dying the sky in colours , oh how can i make it again?

I discern the erie fate that waits to lash , your absence , your absence make me lament, magnify the lurid pearls in my memory string..

I slept with my pillow , gripped it as one and only friend . How lonely I spent nights and whole seasons?

But you put hands on different shoulders , flirted here and there, perhaps kissed many lips, spent most splendid hours , yes I imagine it was so , I failed to fasten you with  what i had, but only entertained.

I never knew once you would leave , I never knew anything even the likes and dislikes of my mind and body

I was insensible and lorn , like the lotus dying outside the pond.

I failed forever to pace with time , you and world 

And only the fraction of my love grappled you often....

here the page ends... but a question troubles me now on 11-01-2009 , Iam asking" hey do you remember me ? if so then how often? do you feel the same for me?

Sometimes its tough to walk down the memory lane with ease , you may get hurt even after years!!

UrGe

" so How is your married life"? I asked Indira My colleague , who had joined back after a two weeks leave for her mariage and honeymoon..she replied" First night it was exciting with him since his body smell was new and a feast to my nostrils , but sleeping with and smelling the same guy for two weeks is not much of a explanatory thing..but outrageous and damn boring..weeks are too much for me to be with 'one'..a day and night would be okay for one...she giggled..
showing me her honeymoon pictures on lapie..it was a feast with a tint of spice( Hope I need not explain)
I was speechless but was not taken aback since she is the same way alwayz.. hunting to quell eyes hunger atleast in the office..so great going Indira even after your marriage..I thought..
Next come her Query" Honey what are you doing this evening", (a soft pinch on my thighs too)
"Nothing special sweet heart ! but i dont prefer Married females now" I replied.
Her dark face ,long legs , tiny breasts and new perfume didnt amuse me at all.
Urges urges are unsatisfied needs..

silence....

How I fell ill and how I neeD Them !!

Today ,well got a reason to tell I was ill that, i spent whole day with a book. But its true that I was seriously down for last three days..Fever; sore throat; body ache - complete rest and on antibiotics with voice rest..(sigh).Symptoms were evident that Iam gonna be ill from Thursday on and I requested leave too , but the important training been scheduled on Thursday would have had got cancelled with out a substitute and I couldn't wait it to happen . Was very exhausted and voice didn't come out of my throat after 3 hours long presentation..hard and whole mess , but ables to manage. In the evening was completely down and this whole bloody fatigue pissed me off..inanimate in the bed ..I had put off the lamps and my room hushed in a pale shade..eyes had water rolling down my cheeks due to body heat..and my cold tablets failed the battle too..so here was my friend sankee who lately could make out things went worsen with me..he took me to hospital the detailed examination followed by a warning 'complete voice rest one week' ( sounded horrible to me)!!! and injection on butts and he bought food and other stuff , reaching my flat I piled my tablets and capsules on the table and checked my purse but could only sigh..(yes let them run the hospital profitably) , sankee helped me to have my food and reminded on the medication ..thanx buddy your role is through..I lay down and scanned through my msgs and missed calls ..replied to the msgs and whole night I felt the need to be nursed or mothered , reason its simple when you feel you are lost ,broken, down , alone , agonized or unable to things then you would need those special hands to wrap up you and warm to the core of your body even piercing the bones, I believe this longing for someone special is a common gene in every human being..so here I lay sick , alone and water flew from my eyes and the corporate presentation planned for next day really swiped my sleep away..But morning also my mobile messenger had delivered all those msgs seeking my health status and get well soon capsules..those msgs made me happy , felt Iam loved and I was too content to receive calls and msgs from my childhood friend whom I have not seen for last 13 years (Thanks to Orkut I found her there only)..Yes this is how we feel the need to be attended and cared , to be felt important ..I believe this is a tiny happiness that makes our lives live again and again to see each moment hopefully. Yes I need them...

YouR KiSSeS

Iam reminded about those kisses today...its not so often but today so accidentally ..I had a gala night today...though Iam so drunk and become a habit now ..it was a hobby ...tonight the get together was in a sequestered and aesthetic resort having a close view of the cochin back waters..when the cool breeze blew on my face ..holding the the spilled glass I remembered you.

Nothing seems to be changed other than we being at the extremes of the sphere. Iam recklessly immersed in your thoughts and the different ways of admitting and confessing the love and then intimate touches and holding hands ,so deeply clutched ..Today you made me drink a lot..not you but each moment spent with you...I may say I forgot you and You are erased to be recreated again in my mind..but the truth remains so naked to me..If I have kissed your sweated neck..then I have loved you completely ..If I have kissed deep your lips then I tell you I have loved you completely ..If I have taken your hands and pressed against my heart then for sure I have loved you completely..and yes true If I have caressed your hair so passionately ..I loved you...You too had kissed me many times with out my consent..can I assume that you too loved me so intensively ...at least for an hour or a second..I know its vain ..but tonight let me sleep thinking of those lips to lips , tongue to tongue meeting endless kisses...reminding me that we were in love once....

yes truly I need you tonight ..or every night? your are not my need for a night but ...for a whole lot nights yet to come..