Magic Moments

Nothing but life remains so perplexed to be answered correctly..I get up and flow unknowingly to a unknown destination..rubbish ? no..that is life for me...yesterday night when i was drunk and on a verge to threw up my friend ragi has called me up so surprisingly.sooo sorrry was not bale to spaek to you well..my friend helped me out to hold my mob..yeas so you are here in chennai..i assure before you fly to US will have some real nice talk on life and stuff..and I understand you..and you are not lost ..to be desperate..but I understand your missing feeling..but yet... its LIFE!!!!!!! .today morning was so enlighted with my bro 's call from sidney...and My boss trying to get me online inbetween..yes boss i understand your concern....I will not run away..relax it is morning 7.30 only... .you know after his marriage( my bro) he has never thought about me..( c how ppl change) ( didnt call me up for many months...huh i was also sooo beeezy with loadz of activities( hope you understand folks)...:))..today i enjoyed my work as it involved a bit of gossiping and hot , spicy random discussions and colleagues were quite unsual in their behaviour(HMMM wondered)..

Evening I had gone for a movie' bachna e haseeno' was kinda okay!!! simple story of a guy ditching two girls and going back to them ( mood of repentance) and stuff..after all does a movie talk about real life? hmm hardly right?...yeah but frankly i was so fascinated by Raj's char( Ranbir in the movie)...to live a life like that..do you think its too much? huhhh..no but I doubt will I be able to dump someone?..never..Because I may not be virgin..but I truly believe in true love...I want to love and be loved..you can have sex with a chosen person..irrespective of night or day , race or region...because you just wanna quell your lust... .but will never touch the felicity of making love being in love...its amazing ..I tell you it not only arrests your body but complete soul and mind...and then only you will be united with your partner to the core...yeah I was talking about the movie...I liked it..what? dont ask me ..But Iam not shy either to say yes truly those naked and exposed bodies too....and the one passionate kissing seen too...really made me remind about those wonderful juicy and terrific kisses I had and still that smell of your sighs lasts in the air...But cant catch it...as past is gorgeaous to cherish...for pleasure be with the present...and I pace with present only..

Today when my friend was speeding on the roads of cochin..I didnt know what is fear...because it had left me long back...vehicle's noises, lights and drive didnt scare me either Now Iam packed in a premium pack..so cool to be approached and dare to say I have lost some values...as holding those values didnt help me most of the times...reality is I enjoy to the fullest..and I design my destiny now.....drinking? yes I enjoy it regularly in my flat..hmm smoking ? not tried..but true not a active smoker ...Passively yes I do( My friends keep lit up cigarette on their lips)..and I adore that manly black smoky lips tooo..what a change......( didnt say destiny is my slave..hmm sorry)...Sarika was gone for a self development program and kept herself so busy that didnt have time at all to call me...okay!!! dont have complaints..but Friend..missed you too..though I express it soo pooorly..and Amal ...you should start readimg my blog and buddy its only you who could be troubled on earth by me...dont have much people reading it..( big concern)..yeah should I import Shakeera or Rakhi sawant to pose on my blog to attract readers??? hmm Iam thinking...s0o Iam drunk tonight too..and feel to be united with a body too...hammm sinnnn? nnnoooooo thats a need..so lonely....let me think about that soo passionate , needy kiss or those myriad love making moments so shamelessly ...because it becomes sooo hard to stay a bachelor tooo...hhummmm..sooo folksssssss ciyaaaa guuuuuddddddddddddhhhh nittttetttttttttt
Lets hope life will have some more magic moments...:)

People

I tell you sankee is the best company to booze with..today one peg hmm two peg .hmmm cant recollect much...each moment goes meeting new life and every day is a discovery and life has started reflecting so much of endless longing desires ..pity life!! I tell you the this is the one way to be relaxed and breathe..sitting in the office and seeing those sulky and dreary faces really nullifies the glee a best morning could give..frankly sometimes or mostly but truth is i hate my office ...rarely? cant say...hmm need to think ..yes but I hate it ( always? need to still check and analyze)..my entry to office starts with that dry smile of security guard( cursing for not sleeping last night or reflects the disgust to the life?( cant read!)behind the glass door those faces enacting aggressiveness , haughtiness and multicolored feeling which hardly my mind could grab...sometimes for Anish ( a colleague) it is so tough to smile or his face is always deformed like he is stung by wasp? pity on you Anish...I really laugh at those guys who really stay and stay forever in such nonsensical ,rigid and disgusting thoughts of spoilt dignity and fake pride..being a man why cant you try to smile Anish..( atleast understand it is a good exercise for face..chukkles)It is not only Anish but a group who discriminate and underestimate people..but you guys are really a mode of entertainment for mefunny , stupid , yet very differently creative ( odd)...so continue doing good things as i do like to enjoy these little joys of life Im so sleepy to write more..... so let me shed clothes to sleep so free of strings tonight ...

Preferences

I now a days don't connect much with my friends , classmates or old friends as my wave length pulsates rapidly . My life and mind are abstrusest to be clutched . These days I have started believing too much in tarot cards and lurked luck on it( it seems) , Being a Harthal sitting back at home I enjoyed surfing all those astrology sites..humm you know its amazing especially this one " newagestore" awesome. You know many confidential Q's I asked and all hit bull's eye. nothing was left to do other than some hang outs or trips planned with friends ..which my friends didn't call me for.Seeing my friends going for trips and enjoying themselves dropped a missing feeling in my mind and made me think about the feeble relationships , which i still hold so close ,tries to overestimate it , though seems to be a porous pot to be filled with love. Friends! those wonderful snaps loaded on orkut , has drawn a perfect picture of enliven moments which i was not a part of.Bonds planted , watered and bloomed in the labs , hostel rooms ,formed to share views , to oppose a sulky professor,to share light yet bombastic little gossips , sitting and grouping in the mess for silly fights , yes those moments ask me how can you forget me my friends?

I may not be sequestered , may have people to talk to but I miss you all. And i find myself so unique that i can never be a part of you again. for how many roles i have taken up for you? A Mentor, A typist, A listener, A counsellor, A supporter , A follower , A teacher , A guide , A companion , A shoulder , A hand , on and on..Was it a folly? I have decided here on i will not turn up for any gatherings called by you.

My mind is so repellent to the proximity of these fake bonds around me now. sensation of any of your presence will not end in glee either. These tenable relations are rusted and not worth keeping. So i prefer books, coffee, movies , being myself , dreaming, Internet , Chinese or north Indian spicy food ,glimpse of Olympics and of course a bit of wild dating to you friends.

Can HUg ME Again

Dear..now I need to be embraced by you , If you ask me do you still love me? I may say no , If you ask me would you love me ? I may say no..but If you ask me do I come in your thoughts..I tell you ..yes today you crossed my mind..Many times..I got reminded about that fervour of nights..those fervent a great many mouth to mouth kisses in the dim yellow shades of my room and walls propagating mumbles of pleasure, love echoing and the great strikes of promises as peals in ears.lolling in the bed and smelling you , was addicted to your smell ,And how many days i perfumed my pillows for your presence. No nights but days were ignited by us being together.

Your laden body , your poisonous eyes a sigh away made me strand, hardly able to poise..

sundry emotions..your tepid lips on my cheeks and I loved rubbing my lips on your perspired crest..I loved your strode after those wild merry making and straddle pose on sofa , tangling long legs and ruddy face fondling my neck..I loved you completely when i was in love with you..both your body and soul. I nag myself only for our rupture with no rue.

Dear I may need you all again, I shamelessly adore those joys with you trice and I am blissful to see your scribbles in my life pages as everything about you was endearing and was an experience unforgotten.

Hug me once again..I long for it..madly

Your Message

I got up late, morning power failure continuation of yesterday( August 15) took my nerves out.
Yesterday one , two , three ,...times I telephoned the Kerala state electricity board and those assholes didn't even bother to look into the matter. DAMNABLE!!! I cursed being curled up in my couch. How can I be proud to be an Indian? My Independence day was rather miserable in the darkness than enjoying my freedom..Crap I thought being eyes opened, India once had a Culture , Tradition and Heritage ..just had..now Enormous rape stories , adulteration, big political molestations , absconding , kidnapping , cheap faking India growth story Ads with a Lady and her puppet and latest to the addition terrific terror attacks , though scary , I guess officials enjoying it as crackers lit up on an occasion, sad India! after all we all need something to be brought into the headlines...yes I am talking about how a morning newspaper can spoil your whole day and overthrow the taste of first coffee sip other than Abinav Bindra smiling , deliberately being modest declaring it just happened , if not me then someone else , I am controlled yet happy..huhhh.

And a thought about heavy traffic , nose piercing rotten garbage smell , agitations and a whole system gone out of control made me hug my pillow more tightly and loll in the bed.
stretched my hand to get my mobile, inevitable of my composite life, put it in general mode from silent and a quick scan through those good morning msgs..reported my bad morning to all of them and went to toilet ..into a task of striping clothes..nude..not bad .....flushing cold water on my face, water dripping as tiny blobs , holding tooth paste trying to conduct a wild rock concert ..ohh really I love my time spent in my bathroom..Refreshed sitting on my breakfast table my mobile beeped , checked its Amal's msg" A wonderful day does not need electricity , power , money or anything ..It needs only a good heart, peaceful mind and a sound body and that creates the magic'' wah..response to my report on my ill morning...was a remedy to my outgrown thoughts. I know my fastidious talks really evoke your senses ans response hahah ..
so I was all set and again beep beep, checked it Amal saying" got bored?? even i was bored sitting in this moving iron machine, with momentary life..so thought of making you more bored with my absurd philosophy..enjoy"..ohhh Im stupid..true people do think like me ..so you weren't serious about your msg? Let me relax relax relax......

Carte blance

If at all you are unhappy today,don't forget to celebrate 62nd independence day( Am I Right), Lets celebrate our freedom too. hehhh confused a bit in India do you have freedom?? the way you want to enjoy it? sometimes really this word ' freedom' puzzles me , what doest it stands for actually? freedom to live , think, drink, eat , sleep, sex with , love ..list goes on. For me freedom is a synonym for uninterrupted life. That's why I obey my rules and actually there is no rule set for me to violate , yes that is more true to my seat of consciousness. One of my friends , Amit is the perfect person known to me to describe the different angles of freedom..He lavishly spends his time on net , browsing dating sites more frequently , navigating through all anonymous profiles, cheerful and hopeful faces , myriad poses and some obviously exposed.Once he had told me how his girl friend had flown all the way from Miami to Goa to see her play boy and that wild date. Those dusky moments of champagne and vodka , musk of erotica on the beaches of Goa , left tint of envy in my eyes. anyone would be envious three nights on beaches sky as the only roof sighing and perspiring.

They made love , without love. Amit keeps many credit cards for the payement to these sites .Had once provided me with a bulk list of online dating sites. which lies somewhere in my drawer . and my memory status is too poor to store all his dating stories and sorry I don't know how many he has had dated with. That is Amit's way of enjoying freedom in Bangalore. But here in Cochin people crave for this freedom, freedom to hold hands , to kiss on cheeks , to hug in public not in camera. and why? Baby you would be stamped sinner if it is public. One reason why me and my friend Sarika have missed all good movies in theatre hahaha.
I hope this day of mine wouldn't end with the search for that old list in my drawer .

So freedom is the unsought universal approval of your desires directed by mind. Yes lets have carte blance...
Am I right?

Desultory Life

Today i was loaded with work at my office , sitting infront of a lap top and staring is not a easy job too. Life has not changed much other than some career progression and it goes dull and dear. Now just back to my Bachelor Pad and quelled my hunger with two sandwiches and again blogging Let me write something about Leena , I used to report to Leena , My first ever lady Boss. Though very peculiar she has never caressed me but only other team members who were more masculine than me. I had never liked her because of her discrimination or attitude don’t know and still I discard her from my thoughts , but now Iam writing about her only because I saw her today in the heavy traffic , drenched completely , with worse faded make up and horrid looks( Iam enjoying describing her so) but actually she is. Can’t help it. she was abreast of the times , especially in grotesque outfits and wearisome make up..and was a complete flirt and eye balls rolling for winsome macho males. she never had any managerial skills other than flirting and show off. Her sight was disgusting for me. But my colleague antony was her real favourite , I really doubt were her tastes too strange..Antony was dark , 6 ft , with broader chest and good physique. I remember targets never bothered her when she was in one to one meeting with him.
I have heard a lot about her when I was handling NRI services, nothing good , but all maiming her character. A senior officer in the section used to describe the way she used to get draped in a saree to canvas customer in her initial sales career. but though i never liked her , i wouldn’t ever imagined her in that way. after all she was my Boss. People poked fun at her , becoz of her life style as a mother , a wife and a professional. Husband was a senior executive in a leading company and her kid enjoyed the company of a servent.Her desultory days and night parties with high drinking habits arrested her life. After six months of my joining she resigned and joined another group of companies, I remember for her farewell party she had come in a sexy outfit and her lips bulged as if it was sucked and bit. six months later I met her on train between my official trip , her destination was also same to mine and we exchanged cold hellos , surprisingly when i turned back I found her sitting with another man , couldn’t make out who is that because he was reading a paper and his face was covered with spread newspaper. My curiosity didn’t allow me to stop. Again i turned back and He was Rajeet , who worked with her in my company and now both of them belong to different companies, but united for this journey to make this a official cum personal trip. I remember their clutched hands and intimacy in the back seat. When i shared this with my friend , his reply made me more speechless as he found her in his flat for three days , day and night as his parents went to Pune to his sister. I guess we are so westernized to forget the moral values in our lives
Or is it the work culture that shapes our mind hence forth?

Thank you

Iam drunk to the extreme which i could..I started to pace with the new discovered life. enjoying each moment as Iam obliged to the Almighty for sending me on earth. I thank you Sankee for indulgent in the daru party. I hosted it in my flat today , doesnt mean i invited a group, but just one of my friends. It was amazing playing boniem in the background...I could see I am alive with each moment..my body moved passionately with each beat. I called up my friend sarika , was she astonished to hear me babbling over phone? dont know but she was laughing & really laughing but i shall share some really happening things i am happy. you know its raining outside lying on my bed with my lapie I urge for a tight hug, to put my loosen hands on some shoulder and warmth of a muggy kiss and may be more Is it because i dont believe in Chastity or Im not a virgin though, cant figure out. Iam in my early twenties now..and conclude life doesnt hold much than living each moment with due bliss. I dont see what i have done and what went wrong and never repent as my past leftovers hold most of the secrets shamelessly, but aspiring what i could do more to correct it later..isnt it crazy? I tried to call Amal , my mentor friend, who silently bears all my tension, today i tell you my most precious buddies on earth are sarika and Amal. Now Let me take refuge under my quilt alone with a bigie pillow. I believe nights are just endless for me because i wish to see most beautiful dreams yet my heart has ever imagined and a wish may a star falls from the blue sky to wish luck my longing desires. Thank you life.

I remember you

Dinil I remember you , an impulsive , restive and modest you. I remember it was in the evening I received many calls from my friends, was quite astonished to get calls so many from all. Due curiosity I picked a call and news which awaited to lash out was your suicide. wholly languished I fixed the grip on my table. Clutching the water bottle I palliated the sudden shock andmultitudinous thoughts crossed my mind seeking the reason of this act, which is lurked and yet unknown to me other than some assumptions. I was conducting a training program in trivandrum unusually , it is now 8 months past since you left us. don't know how many of your friends do think of you nowadays. A guy who was quite restive and impulsive in deeds. yet tough for me to say that we shared a wonderful comradeship, you were not my bosom friend, but got introduced to me by a common friend of us Nisha. Wasn't it a folly my friend? Again i guess you were compelled by the situation or it demanded for this?..was that situation unavoidable? or was it written , lurked in your destiny ? I recollect my phone rang in the late night by 11 pm , seeing your name flashing..ahhhmm i picked up ..i dint listen to your Qs " did i disturb u? ur sleep?" but u have had actually. I asked you whats the matter...reply was so simple.." Im in Love" thats so wonderful man..my reply had a pinch of pleasure in it..and i continued ..since i was indeed curious to know with whom..and it really made me so happy when you said she is Nisha, divorcee and a mother . Talking on Nisha she was my good friend and a nice colleague..a girl who picked the most melancholy rhythms for her life always..a short lived married life of 3 months and nondrying pool of tears. I salute you Dinil for your Love. That call given by you in the night was not a nuisance..though felt when it rang , but it left a nice smile on my face when i slipped into a deep sleep. But Dinil fences are created everywhere , for it was an adventure by you. I did support it but did others? I haven't talked to her after that , so don't know what made you do it. But I should be guilty if i had joined them who gossipped and tarnished your relationship. Nisha was sarcastically appraised and got symbolized as the reason behind your suicide. Now Iam upset why the mob create barriers , forbid , channelize relationships based on their acceptance in the society , isn't it too sick? don't we have a personal choice to live the one life happily and opt the way to live it? Dinil why dint you behave with temperance.. I Quote my teachers lines from my slam book "Life is only once be dear in it is grace..."

A Note

I share all with you, krishna only to benumb the past that play yet another role

in the present.

you had shown me in nights the sky wearing the crescent, I wore the smile and promise you

will continue tomorrow, look i learnt things well from you, I don't want to be a creek but want to flow with you.

I never read Gita , but i read you as a beautiful picture

And bickered with you as you stay beside, i uttered your name not with devotion, but with need.

and compelled your presence in the worse things always. Let me introduce myself to you

I am a biped born and lived many years, lives with a soft , feather made heart , a thin appearance what else, here i leave everything to the folk , let them tell the rest.

Krishna it seems better i make my world you and me.

That I can persistently love you, your love will be ablaze on my top and i will melt like the candle Only with you my Lord....